Let's Talk About Sex...

So let's talk about sex, and this is going to sound like a rant I'm sure. But let's get something straight:

• Men and women can be friends. Opposing genders don't always translate into attraction, an emotional connection or sex. Sometimes, men and women are just friends.
• Two people can be friends without having sex or being attracted to each other. And this applies to a man and a woman, two men, or two women. Sexuality is irrelevant. Friendships can exist without being based on sex. 
• My previous point still stands even if there is an attraction, or mutual feelings, between these two friends. People are capable of self control, believe it or not. 
• Acts of kindness do not indicate, or confirm rumours, that two people are had or are having sex. Sometimes people are just nice, you know?
• Mutual feelings between two people does not guarantee that they've slept together.
• People can be friends without sleeping together.
• We shouldn't be spreading rumours about other people's relationship regardless of whether they're sleeping with someone or not.
• Relationships aren't always what they seem to the outside world and observers.
• Happiness is more important than just sex.
• Rumours and gossip about relationships, and sex, are damaging to people and they cause a heck of a lot of necessary mental stress. So how about no. Sometimes, they are damaging to futures.

I know that we live in a world that is obsessed with romance narratives, and as much as I hate to say it, the porn industry and the glamorisation of sex. Sadly, we seem to have got to a point where sex is now embedded within the very concept of romance and true happiness. We've come to the conclusion that a person cannot be happy if they are not having sex, and regular sex. The confessional narrative within literature and the film industry mean that this now makes a person inadequate to themselves and to other people. People will question and worry why they're not having sex, and what is wrong with them that is preventing this sex.

Additionally, we're at the conclusion that you cannot be in love with someone without consolidating the relationship with sex.

I entirely understand that sex is something we need to talk about. It is something we shouldn't be ashamed of, and embarrassed of. But there is a line between discussing something in the name of removing stigma from previous eras, and simple, idle, gossip that is hurtful. Sex is combined with identity, with success, and happiness in popular culture now. But these are people's lives. Gossiping isn't cool.

So to clear things up, some people are having sex. And some people aren’t. And whatever is or isn’t happening between two people is private.

Have a good day folks!

S

University: an evaluation...

Firstly, happy new blog layout! I've had the same theme since I started my first blog like two years ago. It seemed like it was time for a change!

Firstly, I guess I'm here to evaluate what three years at university was like for me. I started university in the October of 2015, and had decided to study English Literature. And at last, my degree is over!!

It has been bloody exhausting and I have shed so so many tears over assignments. There have been nights when I've had no sleep at all, because I've been awake stressing, or having a panic attack, or writing an assignment. My personal life has been interesting whilst I've been studying too. But no matter what, I've always tried to put studying first. And I can honestly say that I have had the best three years of my life. I have encountered so many people and so much reading material that was previously unknown to me. In so many ways, my life has been completely changed. If I met the version of me that was just about to start university back in 2015, there is so much I would say to her. So I intend to construct a list of practical advice, and evaluate my own experience simultaneously. 

1. The very first thing I want to write about is making sure that you feel comfortable enough to ask for help whenever you need it. So in other words, forming good relationships I guess. The first semester of my final year was awful, and I had a mental break down. It was a really really awful time for me, and I can honestly say I wouldn't have got through it without asking for help and (eventually) admitting that there was a problem. A social life and relationships outside of uni are necessary. Also, find a trusted adult inside university. Talk to your lecturers, you'll learn a lot.

2. Ensure that you manage your time properly!! This was one thing I will admit to failing at in my final year. My time management has been utterly shite and that's contributed to a lot of my stresses, especially toward the end of my degree. Now I can sit here and write a lot of my bad time management off and blame my depression and all the rest of it. Instead, I am going to take responsibility. I know that there were days when I had the opportunity to do a sizeable amount of work. And I didn't. Instead, I favoured reading or watching television. I didn't push myself as much as I should have.

3. This leads me to my next point. Accountability and responsibility. Take responsibility for your own studying, and again your time. University means that a lot of the time you have to rely on yourself and your lectures can only take you so far. You must be willing to do your own research, and give up some of your free time to contribute to this process. Ultimately, you are responsible for everything that happens throughout the course of your degree. Don't expect anything to just be handed to you. You must work for everything you want to achieve. Learn from everything that happens and take it forward with you.

4. Self-care. As much as I'm talking about giving the correct amount of time to your studies, I think self care is really important to the process to. It's about finding a balance, I guess. It's important that you don't put too much pressure on yourself. In my third and final year, I've been surrounding by friends that have put so much pressure on themselves to get a first at the end of it all that it has really impacted their mental health. It is not worth it. You have to come out of this degree a whole person. Do not tear strips off yourself for the sake of finishing your degree. You are perfectly capable of finishing, and being happy with the end result without destroying yourself. Believe that you are good enough. Spending too much time on the grades calculator is not good for a person. It's important that you don't lose your passion for the subject you signed up to in the first place.

5. Finally, it sounds daft but have fun! This doesn't necessarily mean getting drunk and attending social events every week. For me having fun was spending time in the library, having food with friends, even writing essays in a group of my friends. I had an awesome group of friends by the time I started my third year and I couldn't have got through my degree without Lauren, Richard and Abby. I also had my best friend, Sam. I can't put a price on that amount of support.

Anyway, enjoying yourself is important. I'd like to think that your university experience is a memorable one. And going out into the world afterwards seems so much scarier. Enjoy uni, and the studying, the making friends, and anything else that happens to you. It's an experience.

Right, that's me done. I hope that, even as I finish my undergraduate degree, there are people that are studying right now or about to start studying that found this somewhat helpful or even vaguely interesting! You are all admirable individuals and I wish you the best of luck!

Night folks.

S